Sex is the leading cause of babies. It’s why your lady friend just said those two possibly thrilling, possibly terrifying words: “I’m pregnant.” So what do you say when the woman you love—or really, really like, or kind of like, or don’t really know—tells you there’s a baby with your DNA growing inside of her? Hint: It’s not the first thing that comes to mind. Nor probably the second.

As you maybe heard from your parents, sometimes when a man loves a woman very, very much, he puts his joystick inside her, they hug real close, and voilà! Nine months later, a…

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