PENIS FACT #1
The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks just aren’t worth taking.
OK now that I have your attention I want you to read this carefully. There are some pretty interesting things I want you to know about your man(hood) and how to take care of him for the long haul. Some of these are just crazy fun facts. Enjoy!
PENIS FACT #2
Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the most important guy in your life.
PENIS FACT #3
An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor’s looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you’re not.
PENIS FACT #4
The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they’d make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.
PENIS FACT #5
The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with large penis.” Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.
PENIS FACT #6
Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained…. What the hell? Okay, I’m done. I need a drink.
PENIS FACT #7
Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point. Don’t lie, you know you tried it too.
PENIS FACT #8
There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).
PENIS FACT #9
79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.
PENIS FACT #10
German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad? I hope you’ve learned how to control yourself to go at least 20 full minutes. C’mon guys. Seriously?
PENIS FACT #11
Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better “semen displacement” you’ll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That’s according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the “scooping” mechanism of the penis’s coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.
PENIS FACT #12
The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784—that’s about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It’s good (and exhausting) to be king.
PENIS FACT #13
Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm—and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.
PENIS FACT #14
No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol. That give a new and true meaning to thinking with our little head.
PENIS FACT #15
Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.